Hay with an “a”!
I’ve normally tried to keep “news” off of this site, and will endeavor to do so in the future again. That being said, I felt that news was warranted. I am a lot more active on social media: you can find me on twitter @Literalchemy and this is a fact that for a bit I tried to keep separate from this site. I don’t really care anymore, however, if you find that I’m a marxist leninist trans woman and hate me for it. I will live somehow.
So if you can stomach it I would encourage you to follow me on my social for “news” about my projects as well as my generally abrasive persona and inscrutable posts.
To make a long story short, I’m pretty much basically done with serialization. That doesn’t mean the Solstice War is going way. But it’s time to acknowledge that the schedule I used to have does not exist. My life is structured very differently. I have a day job that pays my bills. I have hobbies that draw my attention. I have a loving partner with whom I would rather spend my time than writing, on many nights. My life is different now than when I started this story almost eight years ago, alone and shut into a room, without a job, without a computer that could play video games well, without any interest in audio and video, doing nothing but research and writing.
I’m just not that person anymore. And consequently, while I still love to write, and even recently wrote a 10k sample of a new novella series I want to work on on my Patreon and discord server, I’m just not a serial writer anymore. Serial writers work differently than I do and serial readers expect a certain devotion and engagement that my lifestyle doesn’t support, and that personally I flat out don’t want to support. To write The Solstice War weekly I would have to sacrifice things in my life that I don’t want to. I would have to give it more attention than I want to as a project.
As interesting was it was to do, I don’t feel like I have gotten what I have wanted out of it and I don’t feel like it is working for me anymore. It used to be that I would set these deadlines for myself, like weekly chapters, twice monthly, fortnightly, and so on, and because I had all the time in the world to write, I met them. Nowadays I don’t have so much time as I used to devote it to it, and I have other devotions too. When I find the time to write, I write big chunks of “stuff” that get put together into “chapters” eventually of an appropriate length. But this doesn’t feel like a workflow that I can sustain to the degree that a “schedule” and “deadlines” even make sense for me.
I’m still passionately creative, but not in a way where I am producing to meet the demands that algorithmic content capitalism has set for us as creative people. Ironically, though, I feel like I can be more like those youtubers who irregularly release an insanely produced 2 hour rant video and then go away for a bit again. That’s more like how I make things and I would be more comfortable doing the writing equivalent.
Every so often I want to share what I’ve written, and yet, because it’s not a “complete chapter” for example, I just don’t share it. Every so often I want to write different things, but they “compete” with The Solstice War for time, so I don’t even try and I limit what I am capable of. And every so often I think about what I’m writing in terms of these deadlines and artificial boundaries I set for myself, and it’s demoralizing. And every so often, I don’t want to write, I want to do something else, but then the deadlines etc end up in my brain. So I end up messing with my own head over it.
With that being said, I am generally speaking going to be “done” targeting chapter by chapter releases for anything I d, and targeting “monthly” or “bimonthly” or “weekly” releases. I’m done targeting. It messes with my head; it makes it feel like my life has all these time limits that drive me up the wall. It limits my creativity. For a while it even made me ashamed of doing frivolous things like “going out with my girlfriend” when I could instead be writing. That is insane to me! I don’t want to live that kind of life now.
Instead, what I would like to do is be able to work on things in kind of a more organic model. I’ll put out out something of some length, and I’ll release it when I feel like it’s something worthwhile to read. I’ll release what I want, whether it’s some huge chunk of The Solstice War you can binge, or something else. I’ll follow my passions and write because I want to put out more of the grim political shit that I love to write and not because I have contractually obligated myself to write this or that shit for years.
The Solstice War is therefore a bit fucked in this regard by the way. It will take some restructuring, since the release cadence has been very, very similar for years now and likely the readers have gotten used to how it “felt.” Whatever I write, I’ll probably still have to call a “Chapter” and split up into “parts” where it makes sense to cut things, for readability on a website and for continuity purposes. That being said, it used to be produced on this strict kind of template that now feels constraining. I don’t think necessarily releasing fractional “parts” of chapters that are each 6000 words and have a three act structure contained inside each with a cliffhanger at the end, is really working out for me anymore. So maybe parts will be shorter or longer. Maybe I’ll mess with the way it’s written so it will read extremely weird suddenly after being pretty consistent over the past like six years. I don’t know; but I have to do something.
What I want is to take stress off my life, and to help me find joy in creating again. So I will probably be spending even less time updating the Patreon, as it has become a part of the structure I’ve felt tied down to, and I want to be able to just float. If you want to give me money, I’ll publish to Patreon every so often and put a thing here and click the box that makes me money, so don’t fret, I suppose. I would however recommend that you follow my abrasive self on twitter for updates and to get to know me, I suppose.
Or, you can join the discord and then me and my community of toxic dirtbag marxists can harass you in between content updates. Discord link is here: https://discord.gg/gmdzngs If you join, please make an intro post in the welcome channel and we’ll decide if we deem you worthy to stay, and read the rules. We will kick you with prejudice if you come in with some cringey right wing shit so don’t bother if you don’t have similar brain worms to the ones we have. I’m done tolerating weak shit. I’m an idiosyncratic neurotic and I will not ever change. You either love me or you don’t.
Anyway, I’m going to stop worrying about everything and just allow myself to breathe easy. I’m going to try to relax and embrace the chaos. You’ll learn that I’ve made something if you’ve invested in it, or if I can work up the energy to shout about it. But I won’t feel obligated anymore. Obligations are killing me right now. I want to live.